I’m charging guests £50 to attend my birthday – my husband thinks it’s ‘cheap’

When he found out, he exploded – and now he wants to cancel the whole thing

My husband came from a much wealthier family than mine, and inherited a lovely house in the Cotswolds. Which all sounds smashing, and certainly means that we are what is known as “asset rich”. Unfortunately my husband is also an artist who doesn’t sell many pictures, while I run a small jewellery business, all of which means that we are what is known as “cash poor”.
My 50th birthday is coming up and I was keen to plan a big get-together for all our family and friends. I want to make up for the years of birthdays I haven’t celebrated since before the pandemic, and also have a bash for all the friends we have made since moving out of London – people who have already given us plenty of hospitality and entertainment.
The little village where we inherited the house is an extremely affluent area near a members only club frequented by the rich and famous. Most of our friends are jolly well off and seem to think nothing of throwing huge parties – barely a weekend goes by without us attending one.
So when I started planning my birthday party in the grounds of our house I asked around for contacts of the people they use – and discovered the cost of caterers, crockery and cutlery, florists, a band and so on… and I was shocked. Without trying to go over the top it was into the thousands.
But I really wanted the party, so I decided to stick to our guest list of nearly 80 people – and charge them £50 a head to cover some of the food and drinks.
My husband and I had already agreed on the date so I got invitations printed and started delivering them to our friends. But when my husband spotted one on the side he went absolutely mad. Honestly, it was like World War Three.
He was screaming and shouting at me that he couldn’t imagine anything more cheap and embarrassing than inviting people to a party and then charging them for the privilege of coming.
I tried to explain to him that the friends I’ve already spoken to about it have said they don’t mind paying at all (and let’s face it, to them £50 is a drop in the ocean, whereas to us it isn’t) but he wouldn’t see sense.
We’ve got two young children and the upkeep on our house to cover every month, not to mention keeping the oil tank filled and food on the table, all of which are costing more than ever – and more than I think my husband wants to believe.
Some people look at our lovely honey-stone cottage with an acre of pretty gardens and think we’re loaded, but really it’s a struggle.
I can’t see anything wrong with charging for tickets to our party, it’s no different to people paying to go out for an evening socialising with friends. Before I met my husband, my friends and I often did exactly this kind of thing when we held parties – we’d take it in turns to be the host, and everyone expected to be asked to chip in for a really great evening.
But my husband says it’s not the “done thing” in the circles we move in now.
He’s insisting that he would rather cancel the whole event than do something so “uncouth”, and he even likened it to arranging a GoFundMe page to pay for my birthday – and of course this is completely different.
I think he should stop being such a snob and let me enjoy my birthday party, but he refuses to back down. He’s putting his pride above my happiness, and giving me serious doubts about our future.
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